We are Here!

I lay on my bed and stare at my side of the roof. The side that is purple. Suddenly it hits me like a tonne of bricks! For an instant I’m drawn from present reality with all its noise and activity, and I am pulled in a state of awe.

The year 2010 has come to its end and we welcome the beginning of a new year. Yes, it hits me: I have made it… I AM HERE!

Looking back on the year that has passed, lupus-wise, it might have been a good year for some, while for others, the hardest year since diagnosis. Despite the difficulties we all went through, what we cannot overlook are the blessings that have been with us every step of the way, regardless of how insignificant they may seem.

I know all too well that being optimistic is not a very easy task and it is quite understandable that many Lupies have yet to grasp a positive outlook on life or have lost it. Sometimes we have to put on our diving suits and swim far and deep in the ocean of negativity and the waves of sorrow that threatens to drown us to find what seems like tiny bubbles of goodness and hope.

Language has failed often times, to provide suitable descriptive words for living with lupus. It might get so hard sometimes, it seems unbearable. Many persons see a happy face and a pretty smile but do not have a clue that a war rages inside our bodies. The people closest to us can only imagine.

Another reason why some people lack optimism is they misunderstand what it means to be an optimistic Lupie. It does not mean turning a blind eye to the negatives. The negatives face us every day of our lives; therefore, looking at them is inevitable. We are all humans and this takes its toll on all of us at one point or another but in actuality, what it means is looking past the negatives.

For the times when it becomes agonizing to walk, let us remember when we could not walk, or the many others who cannot. For the times when we become frustrated because of the appetizers and desserts of pills that we have to take once or twice a day, let us be grateful that we have a source of treatment. At times when we get sad an angry that the persons who we expect to understand do not, let us keep it in mind that not everyone has a support system with persons who indeed try.

Sadness, anger and frustration are normal emotions to feel but what is important is that we should not dwell on them to the point that they become all we can see. If we become awfully depressed, we will only make our lives shorter.

For year that lies ahead, my encouragement to all Lupies is to recognize the things that are not only our blessings, but our miracles. While many only look for the revolution of healing, what we all need to recognize are the amazing things that happen on a daily basis. Our ability to persevere and to function through pain is a miracle. The very fact that we live this life, not merely functioning but excelling is a miracle. Every life we touch and every single time that we give someone hope is a miracle. However the most amazing miracle happens every day: We are here.

Our bodies have decided to launch an attack on itself yet we still live. Organ damage or failure, steroids, chemotherapy, surgeries… but we are here. We go to bed in so much pain sometimes we think we may not wake up… but we are here. Another year and WE ARE HERE!

There are many people who did not make it to this time and we keep them alive in our memories and thoughts but we are here. Our missions await accomplishment.

When lupus put her mark across our faces, she gave us wings… No matter what comes our way, let us never forget that we are butterflies. Last year has gone but for this year, let us acknowledge that even though we may seem fragile, we have the ability to ascend to great heights. We are butterflies and there is only one thing necessary for us to fly…the miracle that we are here. ~*Butterfly fly away*~

© Shoyea-Gaye Grant
Jamaica,
West Indies.